Mold, Sleep & Codependency

Just some random thoughts...

For the past year and a half, I have been having these sore throats and and congestion. Then, in the Fall of 2021, I started having really bad hives. I have been trying to figure out what's going on, and it turns out that it might be black mold that has been growing in my vents since we had a leak in the summer of 2020. Not really sure what they are going to have to do to remove it, but that might be a fun experience...

I have not been sleeping well lately. I had worked so hard to get over my sleep troubles, so it is a little sad to me that I am having issues again. The things that usually help me a lot are setting the temperature down by 2 degrees right before I lay down, using a fan and meditation. The issue with meditation before bed is sometimes I will go into a trance for like 6 hours and then come out and be like "oh shit, I didn't sleep" or it sometimes makes me do this thing where I will repeatedly START to fall asleep, and then I jolt myself awake... for like 3-8 hours. The other potential issue is that I will sometimes get sleep paralysis, however, I have learned to handle that one okay. I am able to recognize that that is what is happening almost immediately, then choose to go back to sleep instead. Anyway, I am not quite sure what to do, but maybe taking care of the first problem (mold) will help me sleep.

My therapist told me a couple weeks ago that I am showing signs of codependency, which I already knew has been an issue for me, however, I didn't realize HOW BAD of an issue it was. I went back and read through this blog recently and I was like "yup, she codependent af, yo." During my recent time with covid though, I feel like I was able to do a lot of thinking and I have already made a lot of progress shedding that mindset. I am sure it is something I will be working on for years, but I feel good that I least understand my thought processes and can recognize when I am not thinking in a healthy way. I think I am going to start working on a list of the things that I want for myself, not for others, then be honest with myself about whether or not I am sacrificing those things for others. I feel like some sacrifice is fine, and inevitable. You always are going to have to select different paths. There is no right or wrong one, just the one you choose and how you continue to handle the situations that come up. I am really trying to work on not looking back, and just accepting things as they are and adapting to that, without regret or fear. But yeah, I want to make sure that I am making those decisions with my best interest in mind.