Looking for a Dream

-

I've been home for the last week with covid. It was the most sick I have probably ever been, at least in memory. I am sad by how fatigued I have become, because I was hitting the gym hard before this and was starting to feel like I was in really great shape. But, we will get back there, soon hopefully.

I have had a weird few months. After the emotional rollercoaster at the end of 2020 and the beginning of 2021, I have been in sort of a funk now that things feel "normal" again. 

I really want to find new friends, but I have no idea how to get started. I keep trying the "dating/friend" apps, but they don't work. I am going to start streaming again, and maybe that'll help. 

I have recently decided that I probably won't have children, and... I am happy with that decision, except for I am struggling to figure out what the point of my life will be without that. I know that a lot of people find satisfaction in their career or in hobbies, but I don't have anything that feels... satisfying. I have been searching for a dream since I stopped dancing, and I guess maybe there isn't another one out there for me. I don't know.

Alright, I am going to go meditate and sleep, because I am just feeling more negative. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Energy Release

-
Today I was listening to Cory Muscara on the Know Thyself podcast. He is a former monk and described that when he meditates, his body will typically twist and turn and move, releasing all of the stored energy in the different parts of the body. He said most people will try to maontain a perfect posture which prevents that energy release. I've heard this described by people before who have said that during meditation they found themselves twisting their upper body all the way around as a big energy was released. This does not surprise me, however I felt like I probably have never really experienced this before, outside of obvious things like exercise. That was, until I woke up in the middle of the night in a twisted position and wanting to turn over and having the thought "dont move too much, you will wake him." I already felt like people who move a lot in their sleep are more stressed, traumatized, etc., however I used to think that it was just because they couldn't s...
Read more

The Call for Expansion

-
Lately, time has been moving a little differently to me. In March, I made the decision to quit my corporate world job and to pursue my passions for the first time. Since then, I live mostly in calmness. I live most of my days doing only things I enjoy. It is truly odd to live this way after grinding for so long, feeling stuck. There's this weird thing happening, like I have become more aware. I am more aware of subtle changes, of people aging, of things moving forward in this unstoppable fashion. It's almost like a part of my brain is becoming attuned to time from a non-linear standpoint. The universe is sharing very strong and clear messages that I am required to change now, that I am being asked to sacrifice different behaviors to make space for my next mode of being. Of course, I cannot deny the universe what it is asking of me. I signed up for this before I was born, I have to follow it to completion or else I will have to experience it all again. I am the conduit, in Reiki...
Read more

Transition

-
I did it, I finally left the corporate world a week and a half ago to chase my dream for the first time ever.  It took me so long (my whole life) to figure out what I was meant to do on this life, but once I figured it out, I had to follow my heart and go for it.  I an officially doing Reiki, meditation, sound therapy and yoga full time and I'm so excited. I know I am here to be a healer, to help lift the level of the sea, to spread love and healing to all those around me.  I imagine there will be challenges along the way, but I know I can make this work because it is what I am called to do. 💗
Read more