Little Bit of Everything

 I usually only come to my blog during the dramatic points in my life, however, I have decided that I'd like to make a habit of writing in here regularly. I feel like it is a good outlet for my thoughts/feelings and I'd also like to counterbalance the vague, dark posts with some more lighthearted and interesting.

2021 has been a rollercoaster for me. I felt so numb at the beginning of the year, then I moved into grief, loneliness and the worst depression I have ever seen. From there, I found love in myself again and a desire to become the best version of myself that can exist. I have met a beautiful person that has helped ground me again and I am excited to see what the future holds.

As far as long term goals go, I feel pretty directionless. I am on a quest to figure out what I truly want to do with the time left in my life, but I don't have a clue. I know I want to do something important. Something that will make me feel pride. I want to help people. I just don't know exactly what that looks like yet. 

I am in a funky place as far as my feelings towards other human beings goes. When I needed them most, they failed me. I understand that they had their reasons, they didn't understand, whatever whatever. At the end of the day though, I am having a hard time believing that anyone is truly here for me except myself. At least I have found respect and love for myself. I know I can rely on myself. That is a good feeling.

I started a video series a couple months ago on Anxiety, OCD and Depression. I am still amazed every day by how wonderful those videos are. I feel like I understand human behavior so much more now than ever before. I feel like I will actually see permanent changes in my anxiety moving forward, and it feels so amazing.

Okay, well I touched on a little of everything so I will leave it there for tonight so I can go to sleep and hit the gym in the morning.