Dripping

When your chest is tight like that, when you are panicked like that, lonely like that... there isn't much you can do. 

I am all alone, alone all I am.

I try to connect, but they have been exhausted.

All that was is gone, forever. 

I move into the tub, turn on the water.

I lay there enjoying the stark temperature differences, shocking to the body.

I turn the heat up as high as it will go, boiling to the skin and stick my toes under it. Dripping.

The pain is pleasurable. "I finally understand why depressed people hurt themselves to feel better." I think to myself.

All that was is gone, forever.

I lay there watching my foot turn pink, numb.

I am all alone.

I switch feet and get the rush of pain all over again. 

All that was is gone, forever. 

Time to move on.